Rogue Feelings
by Shiroki Kietsuki
Summary: Gojyo wakes to pouring rain with a hangover and Hakkai's caught in the rain somewhere... Memories and someone somewhere gets on Gojyo's nerves. Comments & Criticisms greatly appreciated. First published fic.


Title: Rogue Feelings

Saiyuki fic, set in the time Gojyo & Hakkai spent together before the Journey.

Author: Shiroki Kietsuki 

Started: 30.04.03 Tuesday, 1315hrs

Archive: fanfiction.net, mediaminer.org, shiroki.pitas.com.

Disclaimer: Almost forgot. I don't own either of these characters, and more power to Minekura Kazuya-sama, whose characters and storyline I am –basing- this **fic** on.

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Gojyo stared out the window at the pouring whiteness tinged with gray, loathe to get anywhere out of the warm comfort of his bed, and with good reason. His head hurt like the bottles he'd drained the night before were attempting to extract vengeance by breaking themselves over his head. It was probably barely noon anyway. 

Vaguely he realised he had practically zero memory of making it to bed, let alone fairly comfortably undressed. Hakkai must have met him at the door again despite whatever unearthly hour he'd been... advised to head home by the bartender on duty. He'd not been as cordial with the ladies as previously reputed in the past few days, choosing instead to just earn a fairly necessary amount at the card table and then retreat to the bar, nursing a need for oblivion from the chaotic disaster that was the result of an afternoon of trying to look at his life from a multitude of new angles. 

//Hakkai must have been caught in the rain.//

Gojyo blinked rapidly, trying to push the dull, pounding pain aside in deference to coherent thought. He'd heard the brunette's low tones informing his semi-conscious self that he was going out to pick up some things. He stared out the window again at the unceasing rain. He'd noticed the unwanted negative effect the meteorological occurence had on his housemate. Roommate. Whatever. He scowled at his uncooperative brain. Friend. Happy?

//Not _more_ than "Friend"?// 

He let his eyes slide close in defeat. Best Friend, he offered weakly to his vindictive and too-awake conscience. Or sub-conscience. 

Whatever it was, it refused to leave him alone. Right from the moment he'd picked up the limp blood-soaked body with the desolate green eyes which claimed to desire death, yet struggled to live on for a yet unfulfilled wish. Even as he had desperately searched for adequate medical facilities to treat the young stranger in his arms, the body he held close without regard to the blood staining his own clothes woke that other consciousness. 

The one that said with a soft sigh, //At last.// The one that had him stop dead in his tracks and ask out loud, "What?" The one he had shaken off that time to more pressing matters, but not deterred properly, apparently. Never deterred. The voice spoke to him, whispered hints of secrets it knew, about him. About Gojyo. About Gojyo? And about...before. Before? 

Where had this damned voice come from, anyway? 

Popping its annoying head up every now and then, informing him to little things about Hakkai that he wouldn't have picked up on on his own, incomprehensively enhancing the feeling of familiarity that slowly grew on Gojyo as they spent time together upon Hakkai's return from the 'death' of Gonou to nothing he'd ever felt with anyone else before. Like they'd known each other from... before. Before? That word again. Before, *when*? 

The past few months, year plus past had been comfortable, following Gojyo's resolved emotional crisis which began when the green-eyed man had bowed his despaired, yet resigned, bloodied face in surrender and left with that insolent blaggart of a monk. Monk indeed. Full head of blonde hair, bloomin' Smith & Wessons, for goodness' sake! And a foul mouth to boot. Cold, insensitive and bossy. Monk? What monk?! Sheesh… And the voice had had something to say as well.

//You again. Still the same cold bastard.// 

Exasperation, Gojyo had noted without surprise. You know this guy as well? I mean, _I_ know this guy as well? From *Before* as well, I suppose. And the little loyal kid who followed the pushy ass around with all the loyal dedication of a pet. 

//Still the same little monkey.// 

The impression was practically fond at this point, baffling Gojyo quite thoroughly even as he wordlessly bitten back a groan at that. What, him, too? Do I know the rest of the whole damn weird world from "Before" as well? ...Monkey? Why, he did have abit of the look, actually. With the most innocent and unique eyes. Although Gojyo had very nearly turned his back on the Sanzo to charge the youth as said youth attacked Hakkai, Gonou on the Sanzo's command.

Sanzo or no Sanzo, the man had barely healed, and now all this agitation was going to rip his wounds open again, or worse. That stupid hidden self had thrown all the hidden animosity Gojyo never even knew he had at the blonde in the conspicuous robes. And to what end? Gonou had managed to resolve the situation himself, more or less, for more time to finish his mission. And after that, the Sanzo and his pet had said, himself. A chill had run down his spine then, and he had swallowed his pride, ego and irritation at the odd pair who'd come barraging into his life in the most bizarre fashion, following said two in a quest to soothe the worry and 

concern for the man he'd helped bring back to life. 

That quest had led to an unwanted view of a different side of the brown-haired man he'd come to view as familiar. It had been a chilling experience to say the least, seeing the blood running down the calmly dead expressionless face, the lips twisting just barely, as if he was removing a pair of spectacles on a whimsical request to see his eyes rather than an eyeball in acquiescence to a demand for blood, a demand born of vengeance… that he would never see again. 

The horror of the moment, the process of casual dismemberment of sorts that had Gojyo rooted to the spot, silently repeating 'No. No. NO...' even as that inner one almost screamed //Dame!// was broken by a yell and a widening of green eyes, one made bloody by ruthlessly unheeding fingertips with a mission. The youngster had admonished Gonou in quite an unexpected manner. Life was weird. But he'd said the words Gojyo had thought so often and never really said. And 

most thankfully he'd stopped the horrible deed. When that whole crisis had been resolved, a vengeful youkai disposed of, by Hakkai- Gonou's own hand, courtesy of an unprecedented (and unauthorized) loan of a Sanzo's gun, Gonou had looked at him. One verdant eye and a hooded, bloodied crimson one had looked at him. A look that said I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you saw that... 

I'm sorry. I apologize. My apologies. It was thoughtless of me... the words brought Gojyo to the present reality with a jolt. The headache had receeded by some measure and the rain was slowing down. Those words... Hakkai had used them too often and Gojyo not often enough. He sat up slowly, not wanting to jarr the pounding back into being. Noting the common painkilling medication and a glass of water by the bedside, he took it gratefully. He was going to go out looking for his brown-haired companion if he wasn't back in ten minutes. 

Rain drove his friend to distraction, desolation and nightmares. But damned if he was going to probe into the man's privacy. He had things he'd rather keep to himself as well. Yet he felt an undeniable need to ensure the guy was okay. He could do as much. He'd been doing as much since he peeled him off the damp forest floor a good long time ago, it seemed. Yet the other had been doing so much more for him, he felt like the selfish bastard he looked like he'd become, disappearing for hours on end to the bar and such, to quell the disturbing notions that someone, something had planted in his-- 

//Disturbing? Because they're true, baka.// 

The bloody voice was back. Nagging in that drawling way he himself had, but more... flippant, if that was possible. Geez. He was going to go nuts. Or was he already? The guilt was getting to him now. Hakkai was the perfect gentleman, polite, careful, considerate and modest, and he was the direct opposite. The perfect rogue. Brash, hot-headed, devil-may-care—

//Flippant...// 

He winced inwardly despite his irritation. That, too. 

//And pretty insensitive at times... you're not very much better than that blonde stick-up-the-ass...// 

He growled audibly this time. If that voice would just please shut the fuck up so that he could go look for Hakkai... His friend's uncharacteristic delay in returning despite the slowing and stopping of the rain worried Gojyo. More than it should typically bother him. 

//...// 

No. Don't -say- anything, dammit.

//...you should be worrying more than that.// 

...What the hell...?! 

//...Just go look for him already. I'm getting worried myself.// 

Gojyo gave up without so much as a retort. That voice was just incorrigible. 

//...not as bad as yourself, sometimes.// 

Shut up. 

//...Then get your ass Moving, dammit.//

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End part one of... one, so far. 

Thank you for reading this far. Should I continue this? *sigh* Should I? Is anyone/everyone confused/annoyed by the way i get the POV's/voices untypically done? Could i have an opinion, or two? Please?

This is my first posted piece of work, despite my thought on that little Weiss piece I did called Warmth in the Rain. That will be posted sometime this week, or next. And for fanart... when I get a scanner. Coupla sketches I could use opinions on, too... Douzo yoroshiku, onegaishimasu.

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Posted 1430 hrs  01.05.03 Thurs. Happy May Day. Labour Day. etc, etc, etc.


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